What Has Happened to Us?

Was there a time when we had more dignity? I found myself asking, as I looked across the dinner table at my friend. He was trying to get to the bottom (no pun intended) of why his two-year-old's pants were wet after she used the bathroom.

I can't quite tell you what we talked about in the course of our dinner, as it was frequently interrupted by frustrating or funny behavior from the two toddler girls and the school-age boy we collectively had. At one point, Briana was supposed to apologize to and hug Selah, and Selah threw a book at her, shouting, "No!" When Briana was leaving and I asked her to say bye-bye to the stuffed animal she was attempting to make off with, she turned to Selah (who was being restrained, screaming, on the couch) and said, "Bye-bye, Walrus," to her, waved, and tried to escape, still holding the animal.

Back in December, I took Selah with me to a monthly social for WiPP, a publishing-networking group I belong to. I loaded my bag with toys, let Selah run around near our table, and found myself regaling two childless women with tales of how Selah had peed on the floor at Costco. One of them smiled politely; the other simply looked horrified. My fellow patrons at Costco dealt with it fairly well, however. In the meantime, Selah had a blow-out. And if you have kids, you know just the kind I mean. I tried to deal with it in the bathroom, and then not let on when I returned.

The other day, Selah, complete with ear infection, decided to throw herself on the ground in the Safeway parking lot as I tried to push my cart through the rain to the car. I attempted to heave her up under one arm and push the heavy cart with the other. A young and I would guess single man walked by us, clearly amused. I found myself in one of those low points where I threatened to become unhinged, and was tempted to lurch toward him, snarling, "I'm glad you are so amused by us!" After all, shouldn't he have gallantly tried to help with my cart or something? But he, alas, was just me, pre-Selah. Why don't those parents just take their child home? Why isn't that mother disciplining those children? Why would that guy even bring his child here?

Sometimes I wish people would just say those stupid things aloud, so I could throw myself on their mercy, asking, "What about this makes it seem I am not trying my best?" I have done well this week. In the face of Selah's five-in-five-months ear infections, I have not hit or verbally abused her. I calmly say, "I think it's time for a time-out" in the aisles of Target, instead of shrieking, "Shut up! Stop it! Stop!" like I want to. I buckle her into her car seat every time we drive anywhere. I stir pureed vegetables into her cereal and pasta so she will eat them. I tell her I am sorry whenever I do yell at her, even though I'd rather be "right."

Parents of the world, hang in there. I repent of my judgments, and so will all of the people who are currently judging you! I have joined the club of those who are mostly just relieved isn't currently their child who is hitting someone/peeing on Costco/shouting, "NOOOOOOO!" when the parents try to fasten them into a high chair/spilling juice onto someone else's rug.

I no longer discuss politics and religious ideals at dinner parties with fellow parents. Instead, we just apologize to each other, look at one another and laugh, and think, Well, at least I'm not the only one!

Misty and Chris, we love ya. :) Tell Briana, "Good-night Walrus," from me.