Torn

I am starting to feel like I am well on my way to becoming an insane person.

How is it that I can love a tiny little warm body so much, and yet wish that she would, well, just go away? Not forever, mind you, just for long enough for me to do all of the many many things that I am trying to do, supposed to do, and maybe even, God forbid, things I WANT to do? Not that I can even really remember if there is anything I want to do. I am so busy being a wife, a mom, an employee, a homeowner and bill-payer, a ministry leader, a friend, and whatever else, that I am starting to really grieve ME. Oh yeah, I remember--I really want to write. I also really want some friggin' time to relax, so that I don't do things like randomly cry when I talk to people, or hysterically overreact when I feel frustrated by Jeremy or Selah.

But how am I supposed to do that when I am so tired, and when I have a toddler who often wails and cries and clings to my leg when I try to leave the room even to go to the bathroom, use the phone or the computer, or go put clothes on? How can I sit down and be creative when I can barely think enough to do my work over the angry whines (she has started to hate my computer)?

Anyway, I am done feeling sorry for myself. However, if you happen to know any babysitters who want to work for free, please let me know! :)