Thank God for Small Blessings

Well, I had pretty much decided to throw in the towel. On what, I am not sure, but on something, because I find myself in one of those spots where just everything sucks. Selah had an ear infection, followed by bouts of teething, and now . . . ? Something involving continuing to wake up in the night crying, crying all day, napping badly, and generally refusing to eat, sleep, or do anything else that might make our live easier. Work is nuts, and one of the partners is planning to leave. I have no idea how we are going to make ends meet on the homefront. You know, just one of those every little thing, when it rains it pours kinds of deals.

Yesterday morning I came upon Selah helping herself to a bottle of children's tylenol. A phone call to the poison control center and fifteen minutes of hysterical shrieking (her--she wanted it back) later, I felt reassured, but tearful and shaken. Things only went uphill from there, such as when I tried to call Jeremy to tell him about it and discovered my cell phone wouldn't work.

As I was about to leave, to bike in to work, I found that my sister had sent me the seventh Harry Potter book. Then, when I got to the office, Jeremy was there to give me a hug and to take Selah away so I could work. These two things really got me through the day, I tell you!

Today I balanced on the cusp of feeling optimistic and on that of feeling down. Selah was happy and so cute here and there, greeing older ladies on the street and being a perfect angel when I took her into a store. It was great when I had babysitting for a morning, and just got to work with no one crying. She did only nap for about forty-five minutes, then cried inconsolably for thirty after that.

When Jeremy got home, we watched The Pursuit of Happyness. Overall, this should have been an uplifting movie. However, the fact that it was about a man, a father, struggling to make ends meet, being abandoned by his wife when financial struggles got too hard, eventually losing his housing, sleeping in a subway station and then a homeless shelter--well, I think it got to Jeremy. The fact that they were rich in the end may not have really made up for the horror of the rest of it. I think it was supposed to be a hard-work-pays-off kind of story; it seemed like a life-sucks-and-nobody-loves-you-but-your-poor-kid-when-you're-down kind of one.

Then I checked my email, and found three emails, all in a row. The first was from a trusted professor, reaffirming her (and thus my) faith in my editing ability. The second was from an author I work with, saying she would love to be a reference, and also would advertise my freelance services in several writers' newsletters she edits. This woman has always raved about how much I helped her and how good I made her look as a writer. The third was from someone whose book I rejected, thanking me for writing the most tactful rejection letter she had ever received.

It is astonishing how much those three unlooked-for affirmations rejuvenated me! I can do it! I don't have to quit everything and move to Hawaii, or make Selah dance for quarters on the sidewalk! I do love my job, and everything will be okay. Even if it's not today. And I guess that's okay.